Hold Everything You Have With an Open Hand: Except Your Spouse’s Hand

Blog Written By: Matthew Hilliard

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. Crucifixion on a cross? Perfect example of marital sacrifice? I don’t remember that coming up in my wedding vows. Don’t worry. We aren’t suggesting that you line up with a cross over your shoulder and nails in hand for your wrists and feet to prove your love to your spouse. Instead, emulate Jesus in your marriage by being willing to lay everything else in your life down to fill your spouse’s needs. Hold everything dear to you with an open hand, except your spouse’s hand.

Ephesians 5 offers us much on this topic.. 

“ 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands”

“ 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.”

“32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Sounds a lot like a promise to love, cherish, and be faithful to someone for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health doesn’t it? 

So now hopefully you see, as stated in the introduction, that a healthy marriage should be ornamented by sacrifice. The only thing left for you to know is how to make those ornaments. Here are a few ways we think are great:

• Remember the small things: In our houses, in our work, and yes, in our marriages the little things matter. If you delay taking out your full garbage can for a day, you might end up with a soda can falling onto your floor. You delay taking out that full garbage can forever, eventually you’ll be living in a landfill. What are the small things you can do quickly that will have lasting effects of gratitude and appreciation in your spouse? Maybe emptying that garbage can is a good place to start.

• Show up for your spouse: Remember the day you got married? How exciting it was? Thinking back on it, I’d bet you’d agree that most of that excitement came not from knowing you were about to get married, but from knowing that you were about to get married to the love of your life. Knowing that they were going to be the one waiting at that altar or walking down that aisle. But one thing had to happen for that exciting dream to become a reality; they had to show up on the big day. And they did! And on that day, you promised to be there for each other. So, that work project you never stop thinking about, that romantic novel you’ve been itching to read, they can wait. Show up to make dinner with your spouse, show up to help them with the kids, show up to support them in their passions, whatever it is: just show up.

• Schedule your spouse: “Schedule your spouse? That doesn’t sound very romantic.” Let me elaborate. I’ve heard it said to schedule your priorities rather than prioritize your schedule. What does that mean? Well, allow me to make some assumptions here. You have a full-time job, you have groceries to buy, meals to cook, a home to clean, maybe kids to care for. All of these things encompass your schedule. If you fixate on prioritizing just these things that make up your typical schedule, it’s easy to feel like you have no time for anything else, much less to fulfill a spouse. But, if you slow down long enough to sit down and physically schedule what truly matters to you, I think you’ll be surprised at how much time you can find and be satisfied with everything you can do to make your marriage even better. 

These are just a few ornaments of sacrifice that you can make to decorate your marriage with your spouse. These things are certainly easier said than done. In fact, with the stress and chaos of our busy lives, rarely will these things be easy. But, take heart in knowing that, even more rarely, these things will be unworthy for the healthy lifelong marriage you can create with your amazing spouse.

Building a marriage on sacrifice isn’t about grand, exhausting gestures — it’s about choosing, every day, to prioritize your spouse in the little things and the big ones. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it. And the good news? You don’t have to figure it out alone. We can teach you a practical tool for this in our Adventures in Marriage classes — tools that help you not only understand your spouse’s needs but meet them in meaningful, lasting ways.