Live the Life Blog
How to Keep marital bliss going after the honeymoon phase
The honeymoon phase of marriage is an extraordinary time of marital bliss when the only thing you can focus on is your partner and the only thing you want to do is spend time together.
But what happens when the honeymoon phase starts to fade?
Contrary to popular belief, you can remain madly in love and consistently romantic with your spouse after the honeymoon phase, it just requires more work and conscious effort.
Here are three tips for keeping marital bliss going after the honeymoon phase:
Listen to the Heart. Knowing with absolute certainty that what you think and feel is being heard and understood by your spouse is key to marital bliss. Is it safe to confide in your marriage?
Confiding is all about being known, having a deep sense of belonging and having the ability to bond and connect. To cultivate a confiding relationship with your spouse, you need to go beyond the spoken words to grasp the emotional nugget underneath.
Instead of asking ‘Honey - what did you just say?’ Ask yourself: ‘What is the emotional impact of what you just said?’ Effective marriage communication comes down to listening and speaking with your heart instead of your head.
Don’t just look at the content of your spouse’s words, allow their emotions to touch your heart.
Helpful tips for confiding:
Listen for understanding, not agreement.
See yourself as a sponge soaking up knowledge, not a hammer trying to nail home your point of view.
Keep quiet, don’t react, and stay focused on what your spouse is saying.
2. Find the Power of “US.” The secret to maintaining marital bliss after the honeymoon phase is learning how to become one with your spouse. The most important part of any relationship is not YOU, it is US!
One great way to find us is to search for the win-win in every situation. If you win and your spouse loses, that is not us. If your spouse wins, and you lose, that is not us. It is only when you both feel like you win that you find the power of us.
Some people think marriage is about compromise. There is nothing wrong with compromise, but with compromise you are always giving up at least half of what you want.
Finding us goes deeper than compromise. Us goes beyond compromise and looks for solutions that satisfy both partners.
Helpful tips for finding the power of us:
People sometimes claim that if you really love each other, you should be able to say and do anything and your partner should accept it, understand it, and take it. This is NOT true.
Be aware of how your words and behaviors are going to be received by your spouse.
During conflict, avoid trying to win or force your spouse to do what you want. Instead, seek to talk and listen without blaming or issuing demands.
3. Prioritize Intimacy. If you desire to maintain a passionate sex life beyond the honeymoon phase, it is important to continually strive for intimacy in your relationship.
In most relationships, men experience intimacy through sex while woman often experience intimacy through talking and emotional connection. (This is not true for every couple and many couples find that the roles are reversed.)
What many couples don’t recognize is that the key to a great sex life is emotional openness and the key to emotional openness is great sex. In a healthy marriage, when a man successfully touches his wife’s emotions, she desires more sex, and when a woman engages in more sex, he offers more emotional openness.
Women need to understand that if it wasn’t for the sex, men might lose interest and walk away. Men need to understand that once they get married, they still need to be emotionally open, pursue her, talk to her and spend time with her. If men do not do this, their wives may lose interest in sex.
Helpful tips for prioritizing intimacy:
The best recipe for a great lasting sex life is to work on the emotional responsiveness of your relationship.
The key to getting what you want is to give your spouse what they want.
Maintaining marital bliss beyond the honeymoon phase requires you and your spouse to work hard to improve your communication. Engaging in premarital counseling is a great way to establish healthy communication before your marriage even begins, and it can help you avoid the common pitfalls that couples experience in the first year of marriage. Don’t wait until it’s too late, invest in your marriage today!